Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
