wakey wakey hands off snakey
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
