Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
