do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
