i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
