Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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