Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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