this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
