You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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