we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
