I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
