you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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