Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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