I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
