I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
