I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
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its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
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Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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