She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
