i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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