hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
