I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
