I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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