found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
