he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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