Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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