If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
