He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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