Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
