I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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