No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
