i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
