Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
