a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
