im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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