Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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