I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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