i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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