haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
