OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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