i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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