i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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