Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
love makes seman taste better
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
