Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
