pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
