why didn't you poke me back
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
