Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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