I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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