I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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