dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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