I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im six kinds of drunk right now
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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