Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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