elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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