just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
