The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
