there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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