I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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