I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
