my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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