i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.