4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"