69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
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Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.