so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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