I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.