If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
