Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
